The Adventures of Schmidt The Midget
by i am mi-chan
Summary: AU Mike Schmidt, sixteen, an antisocial smart ass, adorable and small. He stupidly decides to work at a shady pizzeria joint. The animatronics aren't what they seem. Yet again he stupidly decides no to quit. WARNING: Mike's potty mouth...pretty much everyone's potty mouth. Read at your own risk as Mike stupidly manages to survives 5 nights and many more. (Horror-ish)
1. 1 A New Job

"You sure you'll be okay sweetie?" A beautiful young lady lady with thick silky hair and stunning blue eyes asked. She was talking to a boy who looked somewhat like her, but not quite.

"I'm sure I'll be fine mom...really I'll be fine." Her son had the same thick hair but his was a fluffy mess instead of straight. But he had strange eyes; dark blue so deep they were almost navy, but with a purple tint to them. It was natural too which made it stranger. "Genetics" he had always been told, but he doubted genetics made your eyes change color to the lighting. The darker it was the more obvious the purple tint was. It just wasn't _normal_.

His mother sighed in defeat. "Why this job though? I mean there are a bunch of other things you could have signed up for, and you would have gotten a lot more pay. I mean 120 dollars a week, this is the 21st century. That's below minimum wage. Are you _absolutely_ sure you want to go through with it? We can just go home now." She was practically begging for her son to stay home all summer long. That's usually the opposite of what parents do. But who in their right mind would want their son working at a shady pizzeria with a bad history?

"I'm sure." He was strangely calm about it, like he didn't know the rumors. Because he didn't. You'd think kids his age would be drooling over rumors like these. He wasn't deterred by his mother's helpless look, or her pleading. he wanted to do something and this seemed like a good choice. He spun on his heels and headed inside the place, he dismissed his mother's yelling, he needed to get this job. Okay so not needed but wanted.

He was shocked when he entered the pizzeria, to say the place was cheerful was an understatement. it was practically farting rainbows and sparkles. The kid's were screaming at the top of their lungs and running around like monkeys. Parents just sat back or were dragged around by their kids. It was chaos and he hated it. Thank the fine lord he was taking the nightshift. At the front desk was a guy with a curly mane of red hair, huge glasses and forest green eyes. The epitome of nerd, or at least in his opinion. But hey, the front desk was a front desk. The only thing he had to was walk over to it.

"Hello sir-"

"Oh hey kid, you lost or something?" The guy's overly cheerful voice was grating on his nerves but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that he had been called kid, a goddamn _kid_. He was sixteen for pete's sake. He completely denied being short he was just physically challenged. And puberty hadn't hit yet, so there was no need to comment on his baby fat. Do you realize how many times he's been mistaken for a twelve year old!? "Do you need me to call your parents?"

"No, no, I'm fine. Also sir I'm sixteen not a freakin' kid, also where is the manager of this place. I'd like to meet him, I'm here for a job." Mike wasn't the most espressful person, so it's kind of deterrent to see a twelve year old who isn't actually twelve wit such a lifeless face and an even more lifeless voice.

Fritz was a tad surprised but for some reason not scared by this, and he was considered the wimpiest person on the staff. He just tilted his head back slightly and stored the info at the back of his mind. "Oh sure, down that hall," he pointed the the center hall. "then the second door on your left. Hope you make the job."

The other didn't wait a second before leaving. His steps were quick but yet looked so slow when you watched him. He didn't seem to be in any rush. His steps had no real purpose, the only purpose was to walk. He had this strange atmosphere that makes you feel like he's not even alive. His was barely skin and bones. His skin was a sickly pale color, dark bags under his eyes. But his eyes were so lifeless and dull. Like he was dead inside. The front desk guy didn't know if it was just him but the boy's eyes seemed purple.

He finally arrived to the right door and knocked, entering immediately as he heard a 'come in'. "Are you the manager?"

The manager was not as he expected. "Yep that's me!" His short hair was spiked up in a punk-ish hairdo, and the tips were dyed beach blonde. Three studded earring on his left ear, a metal cross necklace, and a dog tag, don't forget the many rings on his finger. Under the table mike could see rivet boots and jeans that had so many rips in the the man might as well be a stripper. Not to mention the black shirt that said the words "FUCK YOU" in big bold letters. Not exactly kid friendly, but hey. This was the 21st century, the kids aren't exactly friendly. "What brings you by."

Mike pulled out a pile of signed papers and set it on the desk without a word. He prefered to not use words, they were a waste of energy. Besides it's not like he had much to say. Never did for a couple years now.

The man looked over the paper. "Ah, I see the nightshift. But to be honest you look like a middle schooler. Anyways, uh, why exactly do you want this job?" There was something hidden in that question. It didn't sound good in the least.

"Seemed better than the other choices," he said with a shrug. To be honest he didn't read the other choices. He just had this strange motivation to do something and picked the first job that caught his eye. Also it didn't seem too require much effort. I mean watching robots for six hours...not much.

The manager just laughed. "If you say so. Anywho let's get you a uniform, which is actually just a shirt. Then I'll show you where you're office is. The job will be real simple. By the way the name's James Faz, but call me James, seeing as we're only six years apart. Welcome to the gang Mike Schmidt!"

Mike followed James around taking the quick tour. Then they swooped by the room filled with uniforms. Seeing as Mike was so damn skinny and he was small they didn't have his size. So he settled for wearing the smallest size they had, which was basically a dress for him. Not that he minded. The tour finally ended at the front desk.

"Fritz, dude, meet our new night guard Mike! Mike meet Fritz Smith, our new front desk dude! He's actually been part of the gang for a while but he used to work in the kitchen. He's temporary, till we get a new guy!"

After brief introduction Mike headed out into the lot where his mom was waiting for him.

She practically pounced on him once he entered the car. "So?"

"I got the job," he simply stated. She motioned him to continue, but he didn't. He got the job, what else was there to say. She pouted.

"My wittle zombie is being so anti-social again. Come on did you meet anybody cute~?" She gave him a mischievous wink. He turned away to look out the window, he didn't need this.

"My shift starts at twelve midnight, it'll end at six. I'll walk home." At that moment his mom started ranting about how walking home at that time was dangerous but he didn't give two shits and zoned out.

* * *

Mike was getting dressed for work now. His oversized shirt buttoned up, collar tucked. His skinny jeans rolled up at the ends, and his plain black converse with dirty laces. Nobody ever said to dress fancy, just wear the uniform. As he emerged from his room he ran into his father, who was also heading out to work.

"Found out you had a job. Good luck."

That is what Mike loved about his dad. The man didn't waste time with extra words, knew when to stop and step back before it was too late. "Thanks."

So here he was in front of the pizzeria once again. This time in the dead of the night. As he entered he noticed the place was… different. That and it was completely deserted. "Oh lookie children entertainment hot spot by day and creepy abandoned asylum by night. Just what I need," he said in sarcasm. Oh look he spoke more than ten words at a time! Mike had always felt more free when alone or with others he really trust. In that case he was a sarcastic smartass.

He went to check out the animatronics before his shift. A creepy bunny, a duck with teeth, and an oversized teddy bear. "Okay playboy, duck-tooth, and winnie the pooh, Ima be watching you're for six hours so be good!" WIth that he headed straight for his office.

When the clock struck twelve the power went out. "Mother ducker…"

* * *

A certain chicken suddenly jolted to life. "Can you believe him, he called me a duck! I'm a chicken. Why can't anybody see that?" SHe looked at her bunny and bear companion. Bonnie looked about ready to cry.

"He called me a playboy, I'm not a prostitute. Freddy I don't like the new night guard," the bunny wined childishly at the bear.

Freddy sighed. "Don't worry, just do what we always do."

"Yes boss!" the two yelled and got back into position.

* * *

The light flickered back on but it was much dimmer this time. "Wonder what that was all about."

" _If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?"_

― _Chuck Palahniuk_ _,_ _Invisible Monsters_

 **And this is what I've got for the first chapter. Follow, review, and fave. Thanks for reading!**


	2. 2 Shakespeare and the Not Normal Robots

**Warning: Mike will talk in old english for a majority of this.**

* * *

 **Mike spun around in the swivel seat a few times before finally getting to work. But there wasn't much, just watching robots. Or so he thought, then again that was what many of the nightguards thought as well. He took a good look around the office as he swung his legs back and forth, his legs didn't reach the ground. The room was relatively small, dirty and with cobwebs in the corners. There were drawings made by kids hung up on the wall, and some posters on the wall as well. Checkered floors looked like they hadn't been cleaned in eons, the paint on the wall was peeling a bit in places. Overall the place looked old. But what didn't look old were the bomb doors. Why would a pizzeria need those? He pondered for a bit but decided it wasn't important. The old fashioned red phone was there too.**

Speaking of phone it began to ring. Mike tilted his head slightly, before he pressed the answer button. "Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay?"

Mike felt slightly insulted, he wasn't so incompetent that he needed instructions on how to watch a bunch of furries. Which brought up the question: What happened that they had to record messages on how to watch a bunch of robots? Mike didn't know and didn't really care, so he just listened.

"Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, "Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced." The guy on the phone sounded so calm about this, almost as if it was no big deal.

"Hold up, if they find my corpse why do they need a missing person's report then? I'm dead not missing!" He knew yelling at the phone was no use but he could care less. One of the few things that bothered him were improper legal action, and stupidity that legal actions aren't done properly. Also missing persons reports were supposed to be sent within 24hr, not 90 days. All evidence would be ruined or gone. Also this was the 21st century, as far as he knew Fazbear's Inc wasn't a shady business.

"Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know,"

"Ya bethink!"

" but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember,these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay." The guy on the phone had this fond tone in his voice, as if remembering a far off memory.

Mike shook his head is disappointment. "Nay, mysterious douche bag on the phone, tis not alright."

"So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night.Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?"

At this point Mike decided to stop talking. He just stared at the red phone. The words 'frontal lobe' echoed in his mind, in an obnoxiously cheery voice. Why was the guy on the phone so happy about that? Then again he did sound a bit nervous.

Then the message came to a close. "Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll p-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh.

Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night."

"Valorous night Phone guy" he replied to the phone guy. "I just desire I don't kicketh the bucket." He sighed and picked up the tablet checking out the different rooms. He paused at the stage room to check if the robotic furries. They were still there only thing was that Bonnie and Freddy were looking right at him. Their eyes looked almost real, as if they were alike and not just creepy robots. "Behold hence!" he screamed through the camera. "Behold hence I say!" He angrily switched the camera to Pirate cove.

He tilted his head curiously. He was pretty sure there were only 3 animatronics. Not four, then again he could be wrong. I mean there was a weird fox animatronic pokin' its head out of the starry night curtains. "Merit…" He then switched back to the stage only to find Bonnie gone. The bunny was long gone, gone, gone gone. Gone with the goddamn wind! "What! whither the hell didst that gent wend?!" He searched frantically through the camera's and found nothing. His head shot up at a loud clattering. It sounded vaguely like pots and pans.

He still couldn't find Bonnie yet, until he heard footsteps coming from what seemed to be the east hall. He looked towards the right door. There was a light button. He wasn't sure what it did but he liked buttons. So he pushed it.

When the lights lit up he just stared at what was behind it. A big purple face with creepy red eyes that stared right at him. "I bite my thumb at you Bonnie." he whispered. "Leaveth curses!" He punched the door button so the bunny couldn't get in. When he checked the lights again and Bonnie was gone. He wanted to leave the doors down all night but Phone Guy said save power. So he opened the door.

He checked the camera to see all three robots on stage and Foxy still peeking out of his cove. "Stayeth," he commanded.

Suddenly there was a chime. He heard the whirring of a power generator and some faint clanging. It was finally 6 AM and for some reason children were cheering. He wasn't gonna question it, he would roll with it. "Now to has't a word with our sponsers, aka mine boss."

He glided out of the office without a care in the world and waited at the front desk. He hoisted himself up and sat on the desk with his legs crossed as he stared off into space. He snapped back out of his trance when he heard the familiar whoosh of the sliding doors. He turned his head to see Fritz.

Fritz looked almost shocked to see him, like it was some sort of miracle. "M-Mike, I uh see you're night went well," he chuckled nervously trying to sound cheery.

Mike gave him a quick glance and snorted. "Yeah, swell," he spat sarcastically. "Tell me when gets here." He curled up on the desk closing his eyes.

"H-hey don't sleep on he desk! The older boy chastised but Mike ignored him. Fritz groaned and grumbled something about ignorant children. The door opened a few minuted later revealing James Faz in all his glory.

He wore black leather jeans and a black muscle shirt with a picture of a hand sticking up the middle finger on it. Again not kid friendly. "Hey dudes! Glad to see ya still here Mike."

Mike groaned and sat up, still not bothering to get off the table. "Sir-"

"James," the other corrected.

"James, why didn't you tell me about the killer robots?"

James laughed. "I have no idea what you're talkin' 'bout lil man. Anyways see ya latter. Fritz we have a new day guard comin in, could ya show him the ropes?"

Fritz sighed but nodded. "Whatever." He turned to look at Mike with a knowing gaze. "You know you could always quite?"

Mike shook his head and hoppe of the table. "I know, but that sounds like too much work. See ya later maybe." With that Mike walked out of the building.

James looked at the teen incredulously. "Well that's a first."

"Well they either end up dead or they quite, so yeah it's a first," he said a bit rudely. James just laughed and headed off to his office.

* * *

Mike walked through the dark neighborhood with his thoughts. There wasn't much to think about though. He just knew James was hiding something, and he would find it.

* * *

 **Hey, hey, hey! I know I haven't updated in like forever but school happened. And laziness happened. But I updated yuss! I wasn't planning on updating today, but I was like "Fuck it, got nothing else to do with life." So I made this. It kinda sucks but I tried. And I'll try to update more often. Since it's November I barely have school this month so I'm good.**

 **So I'm sorry for Mike, he was speaking shakespearean, because he's Mike. I'll translate.**

" **Ya bethink!" = Ya think**

" **Nay, mysterious douche bag on the phone, tis not alright." = No, mysterious douche bag on the phone, this is not alright**

" **Valorous night Phone Guy"= Good night Phone guy**

" **I just desire I don't kicketh the bucket"= I just hope I don't die**

" **Behold hence/ Behold hence I say"= Look away/ Look away I say**

" **Merit…" = Cool…**

" **What! whither the hell didst that gent wend?!" = What! Where the hell did he go!?**

" **I bite my thumb at you Bonnie." = Fuck you Bonnie**

" **Leaveth curses!" = Leave damn it**

" **Stayeth!" = Stay**

" **Now to has't a word with our sponsers, aka mine boss." = Now for a word with our sponsors, aka my boss**

 **Dear god do not ask why I did this. I have now come to hate old english, but it's kinda fun. Q^Q Help me.**

 **I was gonna do a double update but too many distractions. I was listening to Epic Rap Battles Of History songs, and watching the Animal Crossing Movie. Next I'll update my other story called the Universe Hated Us. Check it out if ya want!**

 **Also I encourage you to check out a video on youtube called Missing Halloween, hits ya right in tha feels. Q^Q**

 **Thanks for reading! Fave, follow, and review!**


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